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It's exactly what Jon Langford, 28, a Georgia truck driver, said he experienced when his brother, who is gay, wrongly assumed the worst about him.
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"We're flattening people out in terms of our view of them," she said, "and we're not really seeing the full complexity of people on the other side."
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Jensen, meanwhile, is just as certain, upbraiding the guy she was arguing with as "brainwashed."Ī little more listening to understand, a little less trying to convince, and a lot more intellectual humility would do everyone a world of good, said Israel, who's also the author of Beyond Your Bubble: How to Connect Across the Political Divide, Skills and Strategies for Conversations That Work.Ĭivility Wars In These Divided Times, Is Civility Under Siege? They tend to view themselves as eminently fair and right, and the other side as irrational.Ĭase in point: Explaining his politics, Deforest noted, "When I say all these things, I think I sound fairly reasonable," while declaiming the other side with, "There's something wrong with these people." The rancor is rising, she said, as both sides "tend to view the other as being more extreme than they actually are."Īnother thing conservatives and liberals have in common, she said, is that they all suffer from big blind spots when it comes to the morality of their own side. Tania Israel, a professor in the counseling, clinical and school psychology department at the University of California, Santa Barbara, said she's seeing more of those kinds of distorted views in the workshops she runs on cross-the-aisle conversations. The report is aptly named titled "Dueling Realities." So it may not be all that differential."Īnother recent poll by the Public Religion Research Institute shows that 8 in 10 Republicans believe the Democratic Party has been taken over by socialists, while 8 in 10 Democrats believe the Republican Party has been taken over by racists. "But Republicans may be less likely to say they have friends on the other side. "Democrats are a little bit more likely to say they'd end a friendship" Kiley said. If this is his core ethics, I don't want that kind of person in my life." "He was going off like, 'Oh, you drank the Kool-Aid,' and 'Kavanaugh didn't do anything,' " she recalled. ( Kavanaugh vehemently denied the sexual assault allegations.) As a sexual assault survivor, she said, she couldn't stand it when the guy she'd been close to for 40 years was being cavalier about the allegations against President Trump's then-Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. Jensen, a retired professor, also sees it as a moral absolute. "I told him, 'If this is your attitude, we can't be cool anymore,' " Davis said.
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But they see their differences now as ones of basic morality, core values and character, and that cannot be overlooked.ĭavis, 42, a consultant who is Black, said he simply could not abide his friend downplaying police brutality, and harping instead on the looting and violence happening amid the mostly peaceful protests. It's one thing to disagree about something such as tax policy, they said. They are among the many Americans for whom political rifts have deepened. Politics I Can't Work With You! How Political Fights Leave Workplaces Divided "I just hung up on my end and proceeded to just block him in every possible way," said Joni Jensen from New York, still fuming over the guy she felt compelled to dump.Īnd betraying just a tinge of regret about cutting off his cousins, Ricardo Deforest of Tampa, Fla., conceded, "I hate to say it because family is everything," before unabashedly proclaiming, "I disowned them.
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Lose my number,' " said Shama Davis from Los Angeles, recalling when he "unfriended" a guy he'd been friends with since high school 25 years ago. Even decades-long relationships have been caving under the pressure, giving new meaning to "social distancing." A recent survey shows just how much the nation's bitter political divide is causing social splintering and taking a toll on friendships. If you find yourself fighting with a friend over politics, or frustrated and furious with your nearest and dearest over whom they're supporting for president, you're hardly alone.